A Declaration

It was a big day for me today. I talked to my pre-law advisor and she helped me solidify my ultimate goal of practicing law and going to law school. She told me promising news--that I could get into law school with my grades and with a good score on the LSAT and told me not to worry. She also told me to look into a different major called "University Studies" which would allow me to become more well rounded in my education by having a concentration in Business Administration with two minors in Biology and Psychology. This is what I have been wanting all along. There was bittersweet news to this change of major news, however. I missed the cut-off date to schedule an appointment with an advisor and have only one shot of applying before I have too many hours. Despite all that, the reassurance that the advisor gave me today about getting into law school was probably the most promising thing I have heard at college ever. I will be applying for Law School in the Fall of 2012.

In the context of the Lord, however, I cannot forget that despite the trials and tribulations that I have encountered in my life and will probably encounter down the road, God has and will always be with me every step of the way. Deciding a career path is one of the most crucial decisions of my life, and while I do have to make the decision on my own, I am comforted that I am surrounded by so many people in my life who will support me no matter what. The most important figure, my rock and my shepherd, is the Lord. It amazes me that he already has plans in store for me, yet I still do not know what they are. I know that as long as I have faith and don't doubt him, everything will work out; the challenge is keeping the faith when you feel like you are being slapped in face with every bold move.

I know for a fact that all of this stress, along with many other things, has led me to live a life that is not healthy because I tend to be consumed with anxiety and doubt. I come off as confident and can write in a confident fashion, but deep down I doubt people, I doubt myself, and I am overcome by anxiety. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a Type A personality, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I am constantly feeling like I am walking on eggshells with many of my relationships. I want to be able to let loose and worry about little things like the lack of a smiley face in a text message, or not replying back to a message after just a couple of hours, or analyzing how someone might feel about me based purely on assumption. The beautiful thing is that with the Lord, he will never make me feel anxious to approach him. Yes, it does kind of suck to admit when you have made mistakes, but never once have I felt I had to be superficial with Him. What I want is for the Lord to help relieve me of my anxiety and help me to understand the good that people have so I can stop doubting and judging without a basis. I am a good person and I am improving myself. I wish I had the confidence in myself to believe that people like me for that reason.

Today's gospel is Matthew 7:1-5. In the gospel, Jesus tell his disciples not to judge others because you will be judged equally in return. He also tells them not to scrutinize others for the little things, but rather focus on improving yourself so as to avoid being hypocritical.

This gospel applies to my everyday life. I must reflect on myself and own up to my flaws and fix them before I judge others and try and fix other people. I believe this goes along with my anxiety issue. If I focus more on my relationship with the Lord, he will help me improve myself. I will grow closer to Him and he will lead me down to brighter pastures. He will pick me up when I'm weak, and stand beside me the whole journey. I must be blind to the small flaws of others, and must accept people for who they are. I need to channel negative energy into something positive: I need to pray, I need to connect more with the Lord so I know what to do, and I need to sit down and just breathe. I need to not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has its own troubles.

I need to trust in the Lord in everything I do and live life as it comes at me. And that is exactly how I'll try and live my life from now on.

Love,
Nicole